Concern and Influence

With a quote from "Academ's Fury," book 2 of the Codex Alera by Jim Butcher

Worry takes time and energy, and our time and energy are our most important resources. But in spite of this fact, we often spend them on worrying about things over which we have no control. Worry is not something we should always avoid, sometimes it is a good sign that we need to change something in our behavior. But when we spend time worrying about things outside of what Stephen Covey called our circle of influence in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we waste time that could be better spent improving ourselves or our circumstances.

Many things we choose to worry about may eventually become things we can influence, but if we spend time worrying about what if I fail at such and such task or what if I mess up this relationship, we are likely to get those worries to materialize just by our worried lack of action. The best sports players aren’t worried about the potential of failure, nor are they focused on the failures of the past. Instead, they visualize success, learn from past failures, practice making good decisions, and show up on game day ready to win. The only part of that that involves a little bit of worry, is learning from past mistakes, or even better, the mistakes of others.

In book 2 of Jim Butcher’s Codex Alera series “Academ’s Fury,” the main character Tavi is worried about what will happen to Alera, the nation where he was born, if a cascade of events leads to the emperor losing power and several nobles start fighting over power. In short, he is worried about a handful of things over which he has no control. His friend Kitai asks him the key question we should ask ourselves:

“…I don’t know what to do and that bothers me.” Kitai leaned her chin against the heel of one of her hands and looked at him frowning faintly, “Why?” “Because I am worried that there is something I am missing.” He said, “Something else I could be doing that would help. What if there is a way to solve this whole situation and I’m just not smart enough to think of it?”

“What if a stone falls from the sky and kills you where you sit?” Kitai said.

Tavi blinked, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“That not all things are in your control. That worrying about those things will not change them.”

So when should we worry? This should be the first question you ask when you find yourself worrying about anything. Is this worry something I can affect by changing my own actions? If not, then worrying about it will do nothing other than waste your time and energy, potentially making your relationships or work, which you can affect, suffer due to your bad mood or lack of attention. If you can affect the worry for the better, then go forward and do what you can to improve the situation, confident that your time is being well spent in the pursuit of good. Otherwise, let those worries go and focus on your own circle of influence.