When the Lines are Down

How to have Faith when you feel nothing

Often in our religious meetings, we spend time discussing the effort and tools required to develop our personal faith. Answers usually revolve around the so-called “primary answers” of prayer, scripture and devotional reading, meditation, and attendance to religious services. On a deeper level, the suggestion to live the gospel teachings through things like performing various acts of service or being selfless and grateful are suggested. A few years ago, I heard a sermon that was very much of this kind. Sister Becky Craven gave a lesson called Do What Mattereth Most. In it, she talked about a young woman who asked her how she knew the church was true, because the girl “felt nothing.” Sister Craven answered by asking her about her prayers, her scripture study, her Sunday preparation, and all the various things that help plant and nourish a testimony. The young woman’s answers to everything showed that she hadn’t put any real effort into developing a testimony. She hadn’t prayed, read scriptures, or studied in any way to learn the gospel.

Sister Craven’s answers to the girl were all fine, but I was left wondering, what her answer would have been had the young woman already been active in her efforts to develop her faith? What if she had prayed, fasted, and studied? That is what I would like to discuss today.

I’d like to speak to any who feel like they have a hard time hearing or feeling the spirit. We often hear very nice messages about the comfort and joy that the gospel can bring. I don’t think these messages are wrong or not honest or heartfelt, but what should a person do when they are trying to live the gospel and are having a hard time feeling it? I proceed now along those lines, talking to you who are trying, but feel something is lacking.

Here you are. You have consistently tried to follow the counsel you have gotten from the scriptures, religious leaders, and weekly church attendance. You say your prayers. You’ve prayed for answers, guidance, forgiveness, and strength. You have even prayed for the ability to pray.

Life continues, and so do these efforts. You may serve a church mission, get an education, start a job and a family. You serve in every way you are asked, spend time at your personal holy locations, and continue to share the gospel when the opportunity arises. You always pay your tithing and try to give generously whenever you can. Certainly, you fall short and are not perfect, but you try to serve and care for all around you. In short, you are actively “try[ing] the doctrine.”

Through all this, the heavens remain unnervingly silent. You keep hearing how a loving Father in Heaven has answered the prayers of others with guidance, comfort, and conviction. You hear promises that, as you read or pray or serve, these things absolutely WILL be given to you as well. It seems like God must work in other’s lives a little like Ned Flanders from The Simpsons – not only will He answer every prayer, but the darkness will part and you will physically see Him performing the desired task from the heavens and hear His “Okely Dokely” from the clouds. You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Are you just unworthy? Does God love all these others, but not you? Is this just your trial and in time you will come through it with great blessings? How much time? Is it all real, or are we just fooling ourselves and we are hopelessly alone in this life? You are trying, but you are living in a spiritual blizzard, with no hope of communicating with heaven. You are snowed in and all the lines are down.

There are times when this is felt especially deeply. I won’t get into global and historical events, but seeing the great evil that the world is capable of can intensify these feelings. It can widen the chasm that separates us from God and make it look unbridgeable to our understanding.

What do you do in this situation? I’m sorry to say that I don’t really know. While I have to assume that I’m not the only person in the world who feels like this, I think the path forward will be somewhat different for everyone. But I can recommend some things that may be beneficial to think on.

First, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has encouraged us to lead with our faith over our doubts, to start with the things we do know or believe rather than the things we struggle with. If we have things that have brought us faith or comfort in the past, there is a good starting point. Even if those things are as simple as peaceful music or the importance of a loving relationship.

Second, I personally feel that it helps to think of the alternatives honestly. Elder M. Russell Ballard has said that we must all respond in time to the Savior’s question, “will ye also go away?” Peter’s answer to this question was, “to whom shall we go?” It could be tempting to think that if we just bag it things will be easier and better, but the reality is that life IS easier as our choices line up with Christ’s teachings, just as many have promised. It isn’t easy and can often be incredibly hard, frustrating, or depressing, but we will at least avoid the consequences of our own bad choices.

Finally, I think it is important to spend time on anything that strengthens our faith in God. I don’t know what that is for you. One thing that helps me is the understanding that the only thing that can bring meaning to life is the reality of a loving Father in Heaven. The only way the world’s ugliness goes away is if God fixes it and restores both justice and mercy. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only thing that can heal us individually and the world as a whole. The world has no meaning without God, and it has no creator who could have made it in the first place.

Our struggles in life are not a reflection of God’s abiding love for us, or on our standing with Him. Mother Teresa, in all her years of selfless service to God, spoke in her writings of a great feeling of emptiness that stayed with her for much of her life. She wrote of her fear that God did not want her, or worse, wasn’t there. This was a period some have called the “dark night of the soul.” However, she did not lose her faith and used her struggles to understand better the sufferings of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has a book of scripture called the Doctrine and Covenants. In it, a heart-rending question is posed to God. “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” The writer felt alone and forgotten. God’s answer is to all of us who have a hard time seeing Him. “My son [or daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.”

In Hebrews 11:1, it doesn’t describe faith as that thing that is super obvious every time we pray or want answers. It says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” So sometimes when you can’t see the things you want to see, remember that it is ok and even good to lean on your faith.

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis describes the life and temptations of a man who ultimately stays faithful. At his death, he is greeted by God and all His angels. Only then does he realize that he not only knows God, but that God was with him all along. I hope it doesn’t take our death to see through the blizzard, but I believe that one day we will come to this same realization.

I want to talk about one more thing that I have remembered when times are hard. Back when I served a church mission, they had a little service with new missionaries and their families at the missionary training center in Utah. When the meeting was closing, they said, “ok, parents, say bye to your missionaries, then head out this door in the front. Missionaries, your door is that one in the back.” With that, we wouldn’t see each other again for two years. We had sat about 10 feet from the door that families were to use, so probably 100 feet from my door. My mom wanted to act tough and just said, “well Dano, we’ll see you in two years.” But my dad melted like a snowman in Phoenix. He was sobbing uncontrollably as we said goodbye. So, with that running through my mind, I turned and started heading to my door. When I was about halfway there, I figured they had been right by their exit, so I could look back and see if they were gone. My dad was standing one step inside the door, hunched over with his shoulders shaking with cries, and waving just the fingers on his hand. I quickly turned and continued my walk. When I got all the way to my door, I thought, “ok, dad was one step inside the door. He has to be gone now, and I can look back.” When I looked, he was now one step outside the door, still standing, crying, and waving. It helps me to remember that the love my dad has for me is just a small representation of the love that God has for me even when I have a hard time feeling it. I'm glad that I looked back and could learn that lesson.

To summarize, I don’t have the answer to these problems, but I still believe that Christ’s gospel does. So when you are snowed in and the lines are down, grab a shovel and keep digging. Whether you hear Him or not, He is there. He is rooting for you and blessing you in ways you may not realize. He does, indeed, love you. And someday you will see that.

Link to audio:

https://open.substack.com/pub/wisdominbestbooks/p/9-when-the-lines-are-down?r=4l1y9b&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true